Scotland.

This is a song I listen to when I miss Scotland. I put it on a compilation of songs (known as FSM05) which I listen to when I miss Scotland.

There’s a part of me that feels a little sad that I can’t be in the country that I called home for 18 years tonight. There’s a part of me that feels a little sad that I’m facing the forced separation of my identity – which I have a tenuous grasp on at best – regardless of the outcome of the vote. There’s a part of me that thinks it’s too soon, that it’s a question better suited to more certain times.

And there’s a part of me that is proud to consider myself Scottish because it’s ultimately the closest thing I have to a national identity. There’s a part of me that hates that a country which seems so goddamn separate from England should be ruled from the bottom of a place that doesn’t understand them. There’s a part of me that’s always wanted Scotland to be independent and would be proud to register as a Scottish citizen.

So I find myself here, in the north-east of England, wondering how I ended up doing the things I did and how it was that I ended up here. Why I’m not up there, taking part in the future of my country.

I don’t belong here.

But I didn’t really belong there either.

Maybe belonging isn’t the important thing.

Maybe that’s what this is all about.

Jesus don’t want me for a sunbeam.

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